創作者2020年親身經歷了焦慮症的困擾，那些沒有來由的焦躁、情緒一次次地消耗著創作者的生命力，想要逃離卻怎麼也逃不出原本就依附著自己生長的焦慮。
咨商師曾說過，創作者的內心有著兩個自己，他們是一體的，同時也是對立的。而每一天，創作者都必須得面對著自己與自己的混戰。
從意識到自己陷入焦躁症之後，創作者就明白了原來精神疾病真的不是因為患者太脆弱或意志力太不堅定，而它就是一種疾病，一種人人都有可能患上的病症。但面對大多數人的不理解，不管輕度或重度的精神疾病患者至今仍無法坦然地向他人，甚至自己表露出最真實的狀態。而事實上，他只是生病了。
“最痛苦的是在絕大部分人面前我仍要假裝自己很正常，沒有問題。”
我明明被困住了，卻不能說。
In 2020, the choreographer experienced anxiety disorder. Those emotions would emerge from out of nowhere, and consumed her over, and over again. She tried to escape, but the anxiety only latched on and grew with her.
Her counselor once told her, there were two selves inside her. They are the companion of each other, but also the opponent of each other. Every day, she has to face the dogfight between the two selves within herself.
After realizing that she was suffering from anxiety, the choreographer understood that being too fragile or too weak is not the cause of mental illness, and it is just a common disease that anyone can suffer from. However, due to the incomprehension of most people, patients suffering from mental illness, no matter mild or severe, are unable to reveal their true state of mind to others, or even to themselves. But really, they were just sick, and that isn't something to be ashamed of.
"The most painful part was to pretend that I’m fine in front of everyone."
I was trapped, but couldn't speak up.
演出團隊
編舞者／陳必寧
舞者／阮怡蓁、黃怡嫣
技術協助／陳愷玲
Creatives & Cast
Choreographer: Tan Pipk Ning
Dancers: Juan,Yi-Chen, Huang Yi Yen
Technical Assistance: Chen-Kai Ling
陳必寧
Tan Pipk Ning
陳必寧，馬來西亞人。畢業於台南應用科技大學舞蹈系，熱衷於創作、表演藝術及馬來西亞文化。從小在多元種族環境下成長，對社會與生活充滿好奇及想法，創作靈感來自於對文化的反思、對生活的感受與社會議題。創作是表達的管道，是向世界吶喊的方式。
“舞蹈是上帝給我最好的禮物。”
曾發表作品《𥫗夭》、《牽/絆》、《Suka Hati》、《Cloudy Sky》、《我不是我，是被異化的歿》等。
Tan Pipk Ning, Malaysian. Graduated from Tainan University of Technology (major in dance), passionate towards creation, performing arts and Malaysian culture. Growing up in a multi-racial, multi-cultural environment, she has always been full of curiosity and ideas about society and life. Her inspiration comes from cultural reflection, her feelings and reactions towards life, and social issues. She believes that creation is her way to express and shout out to the world.
“Dance is the best present gifted by God.”
Choreography: <Laughsssss>, <The Knot>, <Suka Hati>, <Cloudy Sky>, <I was dead> and others
